Letters For My Sons

Spaghetti monster

WHO AM I? And Other Retarded Questions Asked By Young Guys

There is are three classes of logical statement that every man should know.




When one asks the question “Who am I?” of oneself, one cannot expect a reasonable answer.  It is a meaningless question for it leads straight down a smelly rabbit warren of unlogic, metaphor, and just plain bullshit.

Young guys, you have been duped into thinking that you have to find yourself.  Spend enough time on self-work, they say, and suddenly everything will fall into place, and you will know what you have to do with your life.



There is no “thing” you have to do with your life.  You cannot find yourself.  You are already here.  The statement “I still don’t know what to do with my life” insinuates that there is an outer force that will someday dispense upon you a crisp piece of paper with the words “The Thing Joe Must Do With His Life”.

If you wait for that, you will be waiting until the day you die.

Everyone who has a mission in life created it themselves.  They didn’t wait for manna to fall from heaven.  They started on a path and it gradually consumed them.

Celebrity missionaries often mention the Holy Spaghetti Monster coming down, dousing them in radioactive light, then suddenly they knew they had to alert the Western world to the plight of the hairy underarm hamsters of Ur.  I can guarantee you, there was a history to that hamster love that predated any pasta god.  When they woke up one day with a fiery goal lighting their way, they had months, years and decades of passion already behind them.

Spaghetti monster

Bless you.


As children we play, often and well.  We find things that interest us, that make us excited.  Kids get passionate about stuff.  Take a moment to think about the games you loved, the subjects that interested you, and what you wanted to be when you grew up.

Go on, take a moment.  I’ll still be here.

I used to love drawing maps.  I would roam around the streets of my suburb, pen in hand, drawing the intersections and roundabouts, sketching the curves of crescents and blazing arrows of the main drag.

I must have been pretty pumped about maps to actually leave the house with a sketchbook and draw them.  What about you? How amazing did your passion feel to you?  When did you lose that passion?  When did real life get in the way of your dreams?

Those people who “always knew what they had to do” simply took a childhood passion all the way with them to adulthood.

The rest of us got told “YOU CAN DO ANYTHING JOHNNY!” while our parent’s and teacher’s ensuing actions told us the exact opposite.

A man creates his own future.

One day I realised that waiting around for my True Calling was going to leave me high and dry.  I had been writing in a journal, meditating, and practicing intense self-work for years, waiting for the abyss to split open via the point of Excalibur, with James Earl Jones saying “THOU SHALT DO XXX” with “XXX” being something rad and probably world-shattering, making me fuckably famous though of course humbly so.


who am i

A typical young guy trying to “find” himself


This didn’t happen.  Ever.  The realisation slowly (very slowly) dawned on me that self-knowledge, while freeing, means precisely fuck-all if you can’t afford to pay rent, are too retarded to talk to people, and have only enough talent to sell useless shit to other middle-class spastics.

Waiting around for that perfect Flower Arranging discipline that ticks all the boxes for lifestyle, money and enjoyment is folly.  Instead, a good goal is to make sure each job you have is better than the previous one, while practicing a hobby at home.  This way enjoyment at work increases over time, while your skills at your hobbies also improve.   At some point your hobbies may become your work, or at least lead to an improvement in your working life.

I decided at one point that I wanted to create an app in the bar and nightclub market.  I spent twelve months developing it, and spent thousands upon thousands of dollars.  I had no clue what I was doing, but I thought I did.  I had read every blog about startups I could find, and thought I was smart.  I was, however, fucking stupid.

The app failed spectacularly.  I had 200 downloads, no bars signed up, and a very busy but fucking useless Facebook feed.  Not to mention a massively spiraling debt that I had to get under strict control.

I was left a little down in the mouth.  But the experience taught me a huge amount about software project development, user interface design, and conversion rate optimization, all of which I have used in my work. Plus, I had rarely had that much fun, and that much motivation for anything before. That year’s heartbreaking slog launched me from blue collar spanner technician to IT consultant within the one organisation.

There’s only one lesson here.  Stop asking “who am I” and instead create someone you can be proud of. Do it through earning money, talking to people, and developing above average skills. If I can do it, so can you.  Get out of your room, our of your house, get a better job, and work privately at improving your self and your standing.

Don’t be a retard.  Just Do it.


And The Winner Of #NoNothingNovember Is… MASTURBATION!!!


A Boring Post About Quitting Habits


  1. The Myth

    Mr Hunter,
    This post is fucking spot on. I’ve been saying for years that men don’t find themselves, they make themselves. The only thing about this post that I’m disappointed about is that you said almost everything I wanted to say.

    I feel that if more people (men and women) understood and accepted this concept the world would be a better place. Having huge expectations for what you “should” be doing can literally drive a man crazy. Obviously you’d be the first to support self-improvement but that’s obviously different from discovering your “one true calling”. Honestly, it reminds me of Oneitis. I can’t say enough good things about this post. Just more guys need to read this. Just tweeted this out for what it’s worth.

    • OwlandtheBull

      High praise indeed.

      I think you’ve encapsulated the confusion some intelligent young men have. They equate self-improvement with “finding themselves”. You can never find yourself, but you can make your life better in many tangible ways.

      And you’re right about Oneitis. Dudes get fixated on the little things, hacks to improve memory, or intelligence, or rear delts. Meanwhile they are living with mum and dad with no car and a shitty job.

      Thanks for the tweet!

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