The Charismatic Man – Not a Pipedream

I spent years at the bottom of the pack.  While there, I could never understand why some men conducted audiences with abandon while I struggled to hold one person’s attention to a shitty story.  But over time I noticed that some actions improved attraction measurably, while others stank.  I worked hard at the non-smelly ones and have non-bottom pack status to show for it.

I am still far from being charismatic.  But people listen to me.  They pay attention when I have something to say.  Women like to be around me.

My ability to attract others has increased through conscious improvement. Here’s what I’ve worked on over the last decade to improve my personal magnetism.

 

Improve the body.  Men and women hold healthy looking people in high esteem.  If you look big, healthy and strong, people pay more attention to you and value what you say.  If you’re a hippo, or have to run around in the shower to get wet, then you are fading into the wallpaper socially.  People literally don’t notice you, because evolution is telling them that a) you are not a physical, social or sexual threat, and b) you are not healthy and therefore cannot produce healthy babies.  And that’s how you become carpet.

You want bang for your buck?  This is the shiny platinum Amex you want.  Exchange 3 hours a week in the gym and you’ll get attention out the wahoonie.  Unless you’re a douchebag.  But I’ll get to that.

 

Healthy beautiful woman jogging
Most certainly healthy

 

Increase eye contact and improve it’s quality.  Want to look like a shifty and untrustworthy junkie?  If you can’t hold proper eye contact you are profoundly reducing your charisma.  You look weak and shiftless.  You seem uninterested, which is precisely what the Charismatic man avoids.

 

beautiful cat eyes
feel what you saying baby

 

Eye contact takes practice and lots of it.  Eye patterns are defined from birth by parents and siblings, and are more difficult to change than a Sikh’s headwear.  Work on them every day.  Increase eye contact one second past what is comfortable for you, then two seconds.  For practice I stared at my classmates until they looked away. This improved my tolerance hugely… and almost single handedly put me at the top of the pack.

When practicing look directly into the pupils.  Looking around or between the eyes is cheating.  You are looking to create a connection, and deep eye contact releases oxytocin.  This bathes you and your partner in a wonderful chemical bonding session.

Lastly, if uncomfortable, look sideways or up but never down.  Downward glances are for submissives.  Charisma comes not from being top of the pack, but from being entirely comfortable with yourself, so work on this as well.

 

Move and talk slowly and deliberately.  Charismatic people see themselves as high value.  When you are worth-y there is no need to rush.  Others will rush for you.  Your movements should convey deliberation, power and strength.

The ability to create and withstand tension is paramount.  Submissives rush their movements and speech in order to appeal to their masters, usually because the tension of attempting equality is too great to withstand.  Create instead the impression that nothing and nobody phases you, regardless of the situation.  If a tough question is asked, endeavour to slow down the need to answer by taking deep breaths.  Show that you are in control by using your right to answer when and how you wish.  You have the power.

Think about what you say and consciously slow your speaking speed.  Slowing it down will help you form whole coherent sentences and prevent ums and aahs. Quality speech patterns create perceived competence.

Own your space.  Make large, sweeping, slow movements.  Stand in alpha positions.  Touch people in your area of influence.

 

Never, ever second guess yourself.  Hesitation is weakness of character, and shows lack of conviction.  The Charismatic Man commits, and convinces others of his certainty.  Most people’s commitment is like a candle.  Yours should resemble a blue, fiery, close-to-supernova star.  People like to follow stars, especially when they are only yellow, smoking pigfat.

Don’t be pigfat.  Be freaking awesome.

 

Silence – A Man’s Best Friend

Solitary canadian cowboy walking in the huge expanse between sea and desert

 

Real men love silence.

 

Man’s mind is like the desert.  Clean and clear.  A breath of thought breezes through on occasion.  The unknown is over the horizon, soon to be known.  Man does not worry.  Man breathes, and is silent.

 

Silence between two men is tremendously powerful.  Each man acknowledges his deep respect for the other through his silence.  There is no need to talk of trivialities which only waste energy, time and breath.  A man realises that to fill silence with shit is a terribly selfish and arrogant act.

 

The adolescent abhors silence.  It is scary.  It is scary because all self-honesty is found in silence.  In a moment of silence The Great Illusion, that you as an unaccomplished youth are worthy, is shattered.

 

A man however, feels the weight and power of his accomplishments.  He enjoys the satisfaction of achievement in his silence.  He feels fulfilled even as he finds the presence of his approaching death unsettling.  Words often serve only as a flimsy barrier to our knowledge of this impending doom.  In silence man cannot ignore it, but he has the power to sense the legacy that will continue in spite of it.

 

Silence and solitude are the media of mastery.  When there is no-one and no words, work flows.  Works done silently solo are immensely satisfying.  Time slows.  Minutiae grow.  Learning accelerates.  Experiments flourish.  When there is no-one and no words, there is nothing to excuse yourself to.  Anything goes.  Everything flows.

 

Women connect through their words, feelings and emotions.  Men connect through common work, few words and shared silence.  We are not women, but were raised by them. When young we feel the childlike need to fill silence with voices.  It’s time we learnt to be men.

 

Learn to love the silence.  It will show you it’s secrets.

 

Want to Change Your Mind? Change Your Body.

Change your body.  Do not listen to those who say that you can only put on serious weight in the first year after you start working out.  Don’t listen to those who say you will make the most gains within 5 years.  You can be a late bloomer to the weights room and make good gains.  Sure, you probably won’t become a world-competitive powerlifter, but over time the changes will be worth it.

 

So what can you expect as a late-comer in your late twenties onwards?

 

Man changes body in 5 years
If this guy can do it, so can you.

Check out all the photos over 5 years here.  Do you really think this guy’s attitude has remained the same?

 

Strength.  You will be surprised at the strength that comes and the ways you can use it.  You will use your new-found strength for everything, and it will feel immensely satisfying using the muscles you recently discovered on something useful.  If it is difficult, do it.  Dig a hole, move some rocks, shift a refrigerator.

 

Mass.  You will get larger in all the right ways, as long as your diet is good.  Variety in food is for metrosexuals and chicks.  You don’t need it.  Keep it simple with meat, eggs, vegetables, rice and pasta and low/no sugar.  Men and women respect men with healthy, large bodies.  Men, because they can appreciate the work that goes into it, and girls, because they want to bear your strong healthy babies.

 

Attitude.  If you have been a pissant all your life you will find remarkable changes over the coming years.  Your outlook will become more positive, less victimised.  You will not balk at painful choices.  You will find it easier to make decisions.  You will become more assertive (and possibly aggressive) in all your relationships.  Other men will not make you fearful.  You will find it much easier to attract both men and women for friendly, sexual and professional relationships.  You will be listened to more readily.  Your sex drive will increase.  Your ability to get want you want will improve.  You will be more direct in conversation, and will mitigate your comments less and less.

You will begin to appreciate the other men in your life in a new light, and begin to take less shit from women.  You will become more self-supporting and less reliant.  You will identify less with the victims in movies and more with the aggressor/predator/hero.  You will stop wading around in the muck of your useless life and will finally find goals to hit. You will enjoy responsibility and accountability.  You will look for difficult things to do, and do them.  You will learn the value of focus.  You will learn persistence.  You will learn that baby steps will get you there faster than no steps.  You will learn that thinking long-term makes short term pain bearable.  You will realise that one shitty/lazy/beat-yourself-up-cos-you’re-a-faggot workout will not be remembered in the long term, and thus is not worth getting worried about.

You will see that change takes time, and the more drastic the change you want, the longer you have to wait.  You will discover that a five to ten year post adolescent journey to manhood is better than never fucking getting there, ever.   In short, you will grow as a man.  In fact, you will become a man.

Go work the fuck out.

 

The Goals of Being a Man

1. Be able to defend yourself.

Krav maga funny captions

 

You need to be strong and skilled enough to physically attack and defend yourself, your family and your property.

You need to be smart enough, educated enough or know where to look in order to defend verbally and legally against those who would take advantage of you.

 

2. Be able to attract people.

You need to be attractive enough that both men and women from all walks of life want to talk to you and interact with you in a mutually beneficial way. You need to develop the attributes of charisma, physical beauty, intellect, and knowledge of social psychology.

 

3. Be able to be solitary.

Like this guy, but without the goddam skinny jeans
Like this guy, but without the goddam skinny jeans

 

This seems to be almost the opposite of the previous point, but it is in fact a corollary. You must be attractive enough to yourself to not need others to prop you up.  You need to learn to like yourself.

Some of the training is toward being able to be alone, work alone, act alone.  It is truly surprising how many boys and men cannot be solitary. They need their internet, their phone, their music, their coffee, their food, their city, their friends all around them.  It takes courage to be alone.

To be alone is to strip off your shell. All the scaffolding of the self-you-think-you-have falls away when you are alone.

 

 

4. To seek satisfaction rather than happiness.

Happiness is to satisfaction like a one-night stand compared to a long time lover; one is shallow and feel-good, the other is mature, intense and builds upon the past. It’s like fast food compared to a good meal.

I like my steaks a little bigger, but hey, I'll take one for the team
I like my steaks a little bigger, but hey, I’ll take one for the team

 

Happiness is a state of mind. The only skill in developing it is the persistence to change thought patterns.  That is not to say one shouldn’t try to become happier… however happiness is not the goal.  Happiness is a emotion that can be summoned at will through practice.

Satisfaction can only come about after one has achieved one’s will. Satisfaction is temporary, but regular feelings of satisfaction lead to fulfilment.  The pride that is rolled up in satisfaction only increases the power.  The more difficult the task the higher the feelings of pride and satisfaction. Thus the equation:

Difficulty of task + Achievement of task = (Satisfaction + Pride)Time = Fulfilment

I know, I’m a math wiz, right?

In layman’s, a difficult task is performed that one has set for himself.  This task achievement results in self-satisfaction and an increase in pride.  Over time the sum of many tasks performed leads to fulfilment: a lasting sense of self-worth and super-potential.

Without pride, fulfilment is diminished as the self seeks to explain away the reason for success as that of outside forces.

Without task achievement there is little satisfaction as the goal has not been reached.

If the goal is too easy then the fulfilment is diminished as pride demands difficulty as a price for true satisfaction.

 

5. Be able to Pat Your Own Back

Pats on the back are truly necessary for most to continue.  The difference between a man and a boy is that a man only accepts pats from his own hand.  Only he knows when he has truly achieved, where a boy seeks the approval of others and bases his satisfaction on that.  True pride is generated within the heart of a man, and he never accepts another’s comments on his acts as anything but uninformed opinion.

Conversation – the Current Bane of English Speaking Humans

Ever seen a video of yourself talking with friends?
Still not sure if they were speaking english or not

 

Were you embarrassed at how asinine and mundane your words were?  Did you want to neck yourself from the paucity of information emanating from that tongue filled hole in your head?  Were you ashamed that the “ums” and “aahs” that filled the silence were your way of telling the world “I’m so lazy I can’t even learn to talk proper”?  Were you confused that every phrase you uttered frittered away into nothingness before you could fully communicate the entirety of your thoughts?

 

 

ignorant loquacity quote

 

While you’re pondering the big words in the previous paragraph, let’s ask the question: why do we find movies so interesting?  A good movie holds our attention becuse of the density of information.  Not a minute goes by that something critical to the movie’s climax is not communicated.

 

 

Pineapple express piece of shit
Also the perfect explanation as to why Pineapple Express was such a godawful piece of shit

 

Most of us are info-junkies, and novelty is what turns us on. There is a world of difference between the info-density of movie dialogue and the manure that passes for conversation between many english-speaking humans.

Movie characters finish their thoughts.  There are no “ums’ or “aahs”.  They speak slowly and fluidly, thinking before they speak.

 

That could be you.

 

Focus on the conversation.  Your thoughts will continue to run forward unless you actively rein them in and give them the conversation to think about.  Because we learn to speak so early, we can do it on auto-pilot.  Don’t be on auto-pilot.  Train yourself to be aware of what you are saying and how you are saying it.  Be aware of every word you say.  This means listening to your own voice, which is very difficult to do for most people.  This will take time, and lots of it.

Don’t indulge in conversation that doesn’t interest you.  If you have nothing to offer, offer nothing.  Men respect others who speak only when they have something to say.

Finish your goddamn sentences.  If you cannot formulate an entire sentence than you have no business speaking with other sapiens.  Talk with monkeys or visit your local low-socio-economic suburb instead.

Expand your vocabulary and use appropriate words.  You can do this by doing crosswords in your local paper, and reading good books.  Most men’s magazines write at a twelve-year-old’s level.

 

 

Old-school men's magazine
The red tide of death… awesome

 

So don’t read these if you want to improve. Using “big” words will feel strange at first.  Friends will probably tease you, but a couple will follow suit and adjust their own vocabulary. Ignore the former for they will probably not be in your life for much longer.  The latter will likely become friends for life. Be brave and make yourself better.  Use appropriate words whenever possible regardless of the audience.   Some may think this will alienate people, and it may.  However, you never know who may be listening.  People who can use the correct words are more valuable than those who cannot.

Never second-guess your own pronunciation of a word.  I hear a lot of people say (almost under their breath) “leading to a nice seg-you… or whatever…” In this case the word is of course segue and pronounced seg-way… but the person instantly displays self-deprecation through their knowledge that they are probably wrong.  Not only do they know that they don’t know the pronunciation, they were too lazy to check it. If you want to use a word, use it confidently, and look up the pronunciation.

Use inflection to sound interesting, and modulate your speaking speed.  An excellent video about this is produced by Ramit Sethi.

It may sound horribly faked through your own ears, but to the ears of your audience you will sound So Fucking Interesting!  The exception to this rule is telling jokes.  For me, a joke’s punchline should almost never be emphasised with voice inflection.  An understated joke is much funnier through it’s unexpectedness.