You are obliged to change into the best fucking man you can be. Anything less is an affront to every ancestor who died to bring you here. To not change is to negate your life and every DNA-bearer’s existence before you. If you do not change you are a life-hater. Fuck you.
When I say the Best Man You Can Be, I mean the:
most highly and broadly skilled,
most well spoken,
best connected man you can become.
Somehow there are people out there who believe self-change is not possible. People like my parents *know* that their character is set in stone, that emotions and attributes such as happiness, generosity, anger, artistry etc are all innate and immutable.
The rest of us know that’s a steaming pile of horseshit. ALL of your attributes can be changed and improved. ALL of your emotional states can be changed, especially negative “operating system” or baseline states. Someone wise once said, you can become normally happy or normally sad, the amount of work is the same.
I need to warn you though. Change will not be easy. It will not be quick. It will come in spurts, then plateau. You will move quickly past obstacles, then stall. You will feel you have not changed for months or years. Then you will look back and see that indeed, you have moved forward.
I can say this with certainty, for I am proof. But I believed change was possible. Anything was better than what I was.
Beginning on the path of self-change:
Realise that true self-change is extremely difficult. Your character and your body enjoy homeostasis. Any change results in resistance. If you accept that you will face resistance, then you will be more prepared and able to avoid defeatist self-talk WHEN you fail. Which will be often.
Changing your body will change your character. Yoga and Akido, like most self-change systems, advocate body training in conjunction with mental preparation. These systems are founded on the ideals of equality and spiritual awakening, and their bodily training reflects this through a focus on flexibility and peace. Unfortunately, our world is not about to change it’s fundamental attitude to violence. Therefore being strong of both body and character is paramount. This is the reason I recommend weight-training.
Do not berate yourself over the inevitable fuck-ups, stalling and fear you will face. Accept that you will fail occasionally. You will take three steps forward and sometimes four back. Beating yourself up will only stall the change you ARE making. If you don’t make your goal today, well, there is always tomorrow.
Think long, long term. There are short cuts, but they are painful, more so than all but the most callous, hardened and solitary can handle. Think in 1 year, 3 year, 5 year, 10+ year increments. Real self change can only reveal itself over these timeframes.
Purchase “Energized Meditation and Other Devices” by Christopher Hyatt. Turn to the exercizes page and begin. Be warned, as it says on the cover, if you don’t really want to change, don’t buy this book.
Set acheivable goals and acheive them. I’m sure you’ve read every goal-setting blog under Sol, so I won’t go into too much detail. I’ll assume that you suck at goal-setting and achieving. Goal setting only works over time if you start off small, with things you are already achieving. When I work with people, I have them set weekly goals that they are sure to hit. Like doing the laundry, hitting the gym once that week, or filling the car up with petrol. Goal setting works on momentum and self-success built up over time. Once you’ve seen that you CAN hit goals, you gradually build up the difficulty and resistance. If you stall, Don’t berate yourself. Step back and hit some goals you know you can hit.
Remember that pain is what makes you stronger and more able to bear change. Every tiny bit of resistance you face up to makes it easier next time, whether it’s in the gym, in a relationship, or that cold shower you take every evening.
Now, go change, but go slow.