I’m fucking hopeless. Just hopeless. Just like the losers out there who can’t stop masturbating. The guys who have no self-control, who fold like cards, who justify their actions through meaningless arguments… I’m just like them.
Except I’m not.
My phone got the better of me.
Except it didn’t.
This is the difference between enhancing your life with goal-setting, and being a slave to your super-ego.
What is the super-ego?
He’s your internal cop. He’s the one who says “you shouldn’t”. He makes you feel terrible when you fail, and beats you up psychologically.
He makes you feel guilty.
The superego is our internal policeman. It decides right or wrong, do it or don’t do it, permitted or not permitted. It is the superego that produces feelings of shame and guilt. It is the superego that inhibits and prevents; it makes us obey the rules, both legal and social. The superego stops us.
Jack Willis, Reichian Therapy – The Technique, for Home Use.
Most men’s super-ego represents as their father. Depending on your father’s attitude towards discipline, your super-ego may be chilled out, or, as in my case, a fucking asshole who rules every moment of your life with what you should be doing.
If he’s a bully, you can’t win. If you won, you didn’t win well enough. If you failed, there is no hope for you, you piece of shit.
My Internal Attitude to Goal Setting
I read the r/TheRedPill forum and was surprised at the amount of young guys having trouble getting what they want. I shouldn’t have been. No schools I know of teach the proper attitude to achievement. It’s a skill that needs to be learnt, and it takes a while to learn it.
The media shows us plenty of great men doing great things, while riding in chariots of gold-plated greatness. If you’re like me when I was in my twenties you think “I can do that!”
And try again.
And fail over and over and over.
And when you fail, you berate yourself.
Why can’t I finish what I started? Why does it seem like everyone else is getting somewhere? Why do I seem to get in my own way? Why does it seem like I want to fail, when I do it so often? Am I really a loser? Am I just a Weak Willed Pussy?
This is your super-ego, and he needs to be shushed.
There is one, and only one, golden rule to achievement.
When you fail, never ever berate yourself.
This rule is so important I will repeat it:
When you fail, NEVER EVER berate yourself.
When you fail and beat yourself up, you are dealing yourself pain. Beating up yourself is far worse and far more insidious than anyone else doing it to you. Guilt starts to build within you. You start to avoid setting goals.
Ever wondered why after you fail at a goal you take a while to start again?
You’ve heard that negative self-talk can destroy you. Well, there is only one time when it is supremely important that you talk positively to yourself.
After you fail.
Failure is inevitable. You cannot try and not fail in your life. The secret of winners is that they continue to try, over and over again. But in their heads they are whispering “I don’t like that you failed, but it’s ok. You discovered x, y and z about yourself. There’s always next time. There’s always next time.”
There is always next time. You can try and try until you succeed. The only one you are racing against is yourself. You’ll never beat him. But you can both lose if you don’t get your head right.
You have to think long term. It doesn’t matter if you take 6 months, or a year, or five years to get what you want. If you don’t get it the first time, it is obvious there is more for you to learn before you can achieve it. You will learn so much in your journey, and will look back and marvel at how far you’ve come.
When you stop berating yourself, you can then deal with the other roadblocks in your way. Fear of success, and fear of the unknown are common issues, but are only accessible after the super-ego has been quieted.
I failed at #NoNothingNovember.
What did I do? I checked email.
Why did I do that? I was entirely aware of what I was doing, that I was failing at my goal.
What was the alternative?
That I wouldn’t get a very important delivery when I wanted it.
Goals shouldn’t get in the way of an enjoyable life. There is certainly a place for discomfort in goal-setting, but in this case, my actions are completely justifiable to myself.
I feel no guilt. I feel no shame. I have not beat myself up in any way. I’ve admitted my failure to myself, but I will continue to not use my iPhone in the way that I committed to.
#NoNothingNovember goes on, and I go with it.