Letters For My Sons

Category: Charisma

shut up

Discretion: The Unwatered Whiskey Of Conversation

I learnt discretion early in life.  My old man didn’t like impertinence.  His actions described how asking pointed questions was frowned upon, though his words said otherwise.  Unfortunately I didn’t put what I had learnt into practice.


Backhand Slap

Ya know?


My school days were filled with faux pas.  I fucked up so many times, got so many people in trouble, tried to be funny and failed.  You know that cool guy at school who says the giggly-girl one liner?  That was exactly what I wasn’t.  I was the loser that even the losers didn’t hang out with.

I had a real issue with getting other people in the shit by saying stuff I shouldn’t have.  That’s not a good way to make friends.  I would just talk too much and blab on without realising I was giving stuff away.

I got so little positive attention as a youngster that making people people laugh became my go-to.  If people weren’t laughing they weren’t paying attention.  Problem was, as I found out midway through primary school, I just wasn’t funny.

Now, if you ain’t funny, you should really shut the fuck up.  Not me.  I didn’t learn.  At one point some classmates wrote a joke book, with all the stupid shit I’d said in it.  It was a horrendous blow to my already fragile self-esteem.  I had no-one else to blame for my inability to shut up, which was a cry for attention and ultimately friendship.


Seriously painful shit right there

Seriously painful shit right there


By the time I left school I was learning, but hideously slowly.  In my first job I pissed off my boss with my incessant talking.  Trying to be funny I would say whatever came into my head, and it earned me a dressing-down or two.

It wasn’t til my early twenties when I woke up to the fact that my social life was at the bottom of the barrel.  I had no idea how to make friends, and when I did find someone cool, I would fuck it up by saying too much.  Quality male friendships were completely beyond me because I would game the guy like a girl.  I honestly thought that that was how you made friends, by playing a chess game of who can be the coolest, which I thought meant talking a dude’s ear off.  Authenticity is difficult when you are nothing but a shell of other people’s ideas.

That’s when discretion came to the fore.  I founded one of my principles:


It’s better to say too little than too much.


If what I have to say doesn’t add to the conversation, that is, if there is no information (that is, doesn’t educate the listener with something they didn’t know), or no real humour, then I’d rather not say it.

There is a corollary to the above.  If you don’t NEED to say it, don’t say it.  There are plenty of tossbags out there letting everybody know that they know it all.  There are lots of dickheads who think that they are funny.

The goal of discretion is to keep information where you want it, and use information for social advantage.  Being discrete means being a good listener, taking data in, being someone people can trust. It means keeping people on a need-to-know basis.

Discretion ties into charisma.  Part of charisma is a sense of mystery.  Leaving your mouth open like a hooker’s vagwa leaves no mystery for your poor innocent listeners.  Don’t explain jokes, or say “here’s a funny story…” Don’t explain how you did something cool.


shut up


I caught a wild rabbit once with my bare hands, and took it to show my classmates.  The first question I got?

“How did you do that?”

Think I told them?  Of course not!  I just smirked and shrugged my shoulders.  Let them fill in the blanks!  It became one more building block in my reputation, the guy who’s so good he can run down a rabbit.

If your social life is failing in someway, it’s important to examine your sub-conscious goals for conversation.  Why do you need to talk all the time?  Is being seen as funny an external keystone to your character?  Does your self-esteem revolve around proving other people wrong or having people laugh at your jokes?  Do you require such constant re-affirmation of your status that you need to be the centre of attention at all times?

Remember that people are thinking more of what they say than of what you say.  Ninety percent of what you say will be forgotten within a few seconds.  Is it worth wasting your breath to be right?  Or to be sort of funny?  Or to prove some insignificant point?

If you have the self-awareness, you will find that these conversational moments are nothing but petty ego reinforcements that people use to maintain hierarchy and self-image.  If you can step away from that and see that real class comes from what you do rather than what you say, and thus say less and do more, you will be many steps ahead.

Be a strong man with a strong voice.  You conversation is like water into whiskey; too much talk dilutes what you say.

beautiful cat eyes

The Charismatic Man – Not a Pipedream

I spent years at the bottom of the pack.  While there, I could never understand why some men conducted audiences with abandon while I struggled to hold one person’s attention to a shitty story.  But over time I noticed that some actions improved attraction measurably, while others stank.  I worked hard at the non-smelly ones and have non-bottom pack status to show for it.

I am still far from being charismatic.  But people listen to me.  They pay attention when I have something to say.  Women like to be around me.

My ability to attract others has increased through conscious improvement. Here’s what I’ve worked on over the last decade to improve my personal magnetism.


Improve the body.  Men and women hold healthy looking people in high esteem.  If you look big, healthy and strong, people pay more attention to you and value what you say.  If you’re a hippo, or have to run around in the shower to get wet, then you are fading into the wallpaper socially.  People literally don’t notice you, because evolution is telling them that a) you are not a physical, social or sexual threat, and b) you are not healthy and therefore cannot produce healthy babies.  And that’s how you become carpet.

You want bang for your buck?  This is the shiny platinum Amex you want.  Exchange 3 hours a week in the gym and you’ll get attention out the wahoonie.  Unless you’re a douchebag.  But I’ll get to that.


Healthy beautiful woman jogging

Most certainly healthy


Increase eye contact and improve it’s quality.  Want to look like a shifty and untrustworthy junkie?  If you can’t hold proper eye contact you are profoundly reducing your charisma.  You look weak and shiftless.  You seem uninterested, which is precisely what the Charismatic man avoids.


beautiful cat eyes

feel what you saying baby


Eye contact takes practice and lots of it.  Eye patterns are defined from birth by parents and siblings, and are more difficult to change than a Sikh’s headwear.  Work on them every day.  Increase eye contact one second past what is comfortable for you, then two seconds.  For practice I stared at my classmates until they looked away. This improved my tolerance hugely… and almost single handedly put me at the top of the pack.

When practicing look directly into the pupils.  Looking around or between the eyes is cheating.  You are looking to create a connection, and deep eye contact releases oxytocin.  This bathes you and your partner in a wonderful chemical bonding session.

Lastly, if uncomfortable, look sideways or up but never down.  Downward glances are for submissives.  Charisma comes not from being top of the pack, but from being entirely comfortable with yourself, so work on this as well.


Move and talk slowly and deliberately.  Charismatic people see themselves as high value.  When you are worth-y there is no need to rush.  Others will rush for you.  Your movements should convey deliberation, power and strength.

The ability to create and withstand tension is paramount.  Submissives rush their movements and speech in order to appeal to their masters, usually because the tension of attempting equality is too great to withstand.  Create instead the impression that nothing and nobody phases you, regardless of the situation.  If a tough question is asked, endeavour to slow down the need to answer by taking deep breaths.  Show that you are in control by using your right to answer when and how you wish.  You have the power.

Think about what you say and consciously slow your speaking speed.  Slowing it down will help you form whole coherent sentences and prevent ums and aahs. Quality speech patterns create perceived competence.

Own your space.  Make large, sweeping, slow movements.  Stand in alpha positions.  Touch people in your area of influence.


Never, ever second guess yourself.  Hesitation is weakness of character, and shows lack of conviction.  The Charismatic Man commits, and convinces others of his certainty.  Most people’s commitment is like a candle.  Yours should resemble a blue, fiery, close-to-supernova star.  People like to follow stars, especially when they are only yellow, smoking pigfat.

Don’t be pigfat.  Be freaking awesome.


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