Conversation – the Current Bane of English Speaking Humans

Ever seen a video of yourself talking with friends?
Still not sure if they were speaking english or not


Were you embarrassed at how asinine and mundane your words were?  Did you want to neck yourself from the paucity of information emanating from that tongue filled hole in your head?  Were you ashamed that the “ums” and “aahs” that filled the silence were your way of telling the world “I’m so lazy I can’t even learn to talk proper”?  Were you confused that every phrase you uttered frittered away into nothingness before you could fully communicate the entirety of your thoughts?



ignorant loquacity quote


While you’re pondering the big words in the previous paragraph, let’s ask the question: why do we find movies so interesting?  A good movie holds our attention becuse of the density of information.  Not a minute goes by that something critical to the movie’s climax is not communicated.



Pineapple express piece of shit
Also the perfect explanation as to why Pineapple Express was such a godawful piece of shit


Most of us are info-junkies, and novelty is what turns us on. There is a world of difference between the info-density of movie dialogue and the manure that passes for conversation between many english-speaking humans.

Movie characters finish their thoughts.  There are no “ums’ or “aahs”.  They speak slowly and fluidly, thinking before they speak.


That could be you.


Focus on the conversation.  Your thoughts will continue to run forward unless you actively rein them in and give them the conversation to think about.  Because we learn to speak so early, we can do it on auto-pilot.  Don’t be on auto-pilot.  Train yourself to be aware of what you are saying and how you are saying it.  Be aware of every word you say.  This means listening to your own voice, which is very difficult to do for most people.  This will take time, and lots of it.

Don’t indulge in conversation that doesn’t interest you.  If you have nothing to offer, offer nothing.  Men respect others who speak only when they have something to say.

Finish your goddamn sentences.  If you cannot formulate an entire sentence than you have no business speaking with other sapiens.  Talk with monkeys or visit your local low-socio-economic suburb instead.

Expand your vocabulary and use appropriate words.  You can do this by doing crosswords in your local paper, and reading good books.  Most men’s magazines write at a twelve-year-old’s level.



Old-school men's magazine
The red tide of death… awesome


So don’t read these if you want to improve. Using “big” words will feel strange at first.  Friends will probably tease you, but a couple will follow suit and adjust their own vocabulary. Ignore the former for they will probably not be in your life for much longer.  The latter will likely become friends for life. Be brave and make yourself better.  Use appropriate words whenever possible regardless of the audience.   Some may think this will alienate people, and it may.  However, you never know who may be listening.  People who can use the correct words are more valuable than those who cannot.

Never second-guess your own pronunciation of a word.  I hear a lot of people say (almost under their breath) “leading to a nice seg-you… or whatever…” In this case the word is of course segue and pronounced seg-way… but the person instantly displays self-deprecation through their knowledge that they are probably wrong.  Not only do they know that they don’t know the pronunciation, they were too lazy to check it. If you want to use a word, use it confidently, and look up the pronunciation.

Use inflection to sound interesting, and modulate your speaking speed.  An excellent video about this is produced by Ramit Sethi.

It may sound horribly faked through your own ears, but to the ears of your audience you will sound So Fucking Interesting!  The exception to this rule is telling jokes.  For me, a joke’s punchline should almost never be emphasised with voice inflection.  An understated joke is much funnier through it’s unexpectedness.

Change Who You Are

You are obliged to change into the best fucking man you can be. Anything less is an affront to every ancestor who died to bring you here. To not change is to negate your life and every DNA-bearer’s existence before you. If you do not change you are a life-hater. Fuck you.

caveman stabs gorilla
Ugg says: Change or I beat you with fair maiden


When I say the Best Man You Can Be, I mean the:

most intelligent,
most charismatic,
most dextrous,
most highly and broadly skilled,
most coordinated,
most well spoken,
best connected man you can become.


Somehow there are people out there who believe self-change is not possible. People like my parents *know* that their character is set in stone, that emotions and attributes such as happiness, generosity, anger, artistry etc are all innate and immutable.

The rest of us know that’s a steaming pile of horseshit. ALL of your attributes can be changed and improved. ALL of your emotional states can be changed, especially negative “operating system” or baseline states. Someone wise once said, you can become normally happy or normally sad, the amount of work is the same.

I need to warn you though. Change will not be easy. It will not be quick. It will come in spurts, then plateau. You will move quickly past obstacles, then stall. You will feel you have not changed for months or years. Then you will look back and see that indeed, you have moved forward.

I can say this with certainty, for I am proof. But I believed change was possible. Anything was better than what I was.


Beginning on the path of self-change:


Realise that true self-change is extremely difficult.  Your character and your body enjoy homeostasis.  Any change results in resistance.  If you accept that you will face resistance, then you will be more prepared and able to avoid defeatist self-talk WHEN you fail.  Which will be often.


Changing your body will change your character.  Yoga and Akido, like most self-change systems, advocate body training in conjunction with mental preparation.  These systems are founded on the ideals of equality and spiritual awakening, and their bodily training reflects this through a focus on flexibility and peace. Unfortunately, our world is not about to change it’s fundamental attitude to violence.  Therefore being strong of both body and character is paramount. This is the reason I recommend weight-training.

Yoga at it’s best


Do not berate yourself over the inevitable fuck-ups, stalling and fear you will face. Accept that you will fail occasionally. You will take three steps forward and sometimes four back. Beating yourself up will only stall the change you ARE making. If you don’t make your goal today, well, there is always tomorrow.
Think long, long term. There are short cuts, but they are painful, more so than all but the most callous, hardened and solitary can handle. Think in 1 year, 3 year, 5 year, 10+ year increments. Real self change can only reveal itself over these timeframes.

Purchase “Energized Meditation and Other Devices” by Christopher Hyatt. Turn to the exercizes page and begin. Be warned, as it says on the cover, if you don’t really want to change, don’t buy this book.

Set acheivable goals and acheive them. I’m sure you’ve read every goal-setting blog under Sol, so I won’t go into too much detail. I’ll assume that you suck at goal-setting and achieving.  Goal setting only works over time if you start off small, with things you are already achieving. When I work with people, I have them set weekly goals that they are sure to hit. Like doing the laundry, hitting the gym once that week, or filling the car up with petrol. Goal setting works on momentum and self-success built up over time. Once you’ve seen that you CAN hit goals, you gradually build up the difficulty and resistance. If you stall, Don’t berate yourself.  Step back and hit some goals you know you can hit.

Remember that pain is what makes you stronger and more able to bear change. Every tiny bit of resistance you face up to makes it easier next time, whether it’s in the gym, in a relationship, or that cold shower you take every evening.


Now, go change, but go slow.