Letters For My Sons

Month: July 2014

Man changes body in 5 years

Want to Change Your Mind? Change Your Body.

Change your body.  Do not listen to those who say that you can only put on serious weight in the first year after you start working out.  Don’t listen to those who say you will make the most gains within 5 years.  You can be a late bloomer to the weights room and make good gains.  Sure, you probably won’t become a world-competitive powerlifter, but over time the changes will be worth it.


So what can you expect as a late-comer in your late twenties onwards?


Man changes body in 5 years

If this guy can do it, so can you.

Check out all the photos over 5 years here.  Do you really think this guy’s attitude has remained the same?


Strength.  You will be surprised at the strength that comes and the ways you can use it.  You will use your new-found strength for everything, and it will feel immensely satisfying using the muscles you recently discovered on something useful.  If it is difficult, do it.  Dig a hole, move some rocks, shift a refrigerator.


Mass.  You will get larger in all the right ways, as long as your diet is good.  Variety in food is for metrosexuals and chicks.  You don’t need it.  Keep it simple with meat, eggs, vegetables, rice and pasta and low/no sugar.  Men and women respect men with healthy, large bodies.  Men, because they can appreciate the work that goes into it, and girls, because they want to bear your strong healthy babies.


Attitude.  If you have been a pissant all your life you will find remarkable changes over the coming years.  Your outlook will become more positive, less victimised.  You will not balk at painful choices.  You will find it easier to make decisions.  You will become more assertive (and possibly aggressive) in all your relationships.  Other men will not make you fearful.  You will find it much easier to attract both men and women for friendly, sexual and professional relationships.  You will be listened to more readily.  Your sex drive will increase.  Your ability to get want you want will improve.  You will be more direct in conversation, and will mitigate your comments less and less.

You will begin to appreciate the other men in your life in a new light, and begin to take less shit from women.  You will become more self-supporting and less reliant.  You will identify less with the victims in movies and more with the aggressor/predator/hero.  You will stop wading around in the muck of your useless life and will finally find goals to hit. You will enjoy responsibility and accountability.  You will look for difficult things to do, and do them.  You will learn the value of focus.  You will learn persistence.  You will learn that baby steps will get you there faster than no steps.  You will learn that thinking long-term makes short term pain bearable.  You will realise that one shitty/lazy/beat-yourself-up-cos-you’re-a-faggot workout will not be remembered in the long term, and thus is not worth getting worried about.

You will see that change takes time, and the more drastic the change you want, the longer you have to wait.  You will discover that a five to ten year post adolescent journey to manhood is better than never fucking getting there, ever.   In short, you will grow as a man.  In fact, you will become a man.

Go work the fuck out.


The Goals of Being a Man

1. Be able to defend yourself.

Krav maga funny captions


You need to be strong and skilled enough to physically attack and defend yourself, your family and your property.

You need to be smart enough, educated enough or know where to look in order to defend verbally and legally against those who would take advantage of you.


2. Be able to attract people.

You need to be attractive enough that both men and women from all walks of life want to talk to you and interact with you in a mutually beneficial way. You need to develop the attributes of charisma, physical beauty, intellect, and knowledge of social psychology.


3. Be able to be solitary.

Like this guy, but without the goddam skinny jeans

Like this guy, but without the goddam skinny jeans


This seems to be almost the opposite of the previous point, but it is in fact a corollary. You must be attractive enough to yourself to not need others to prop you up.  You need to learn to like yourself.

Some of the training is toward being able to be alone, work alone, act alone.  It is truly surprising how many boys and men cannot be solitary. They need their internet, their phone, their music, their coffee, their food, their city, their friends all around them.  It takes courage to be alone.

To be alone is to strip off your shell. All the scaffolding of the self-you-think-you-have falls away when you are alone.



4. To seek satisfaction rather than happiness.

Happiness is to satisfaction like a one-night stand compared to a long time lover; one is shallow and feel-good, the other is mature, intense and builds upon the past. It’s like fast food compared to a good meal.

I like my steaks a little bigger, but hey, I'll take one for the team

I like my steaks a little bigger, but hey, I’ll take one for the team


Happiness is a state of mind. The only skill in developing it is the persistence to change thought patterns.  That is not to say one shouldn’t try to become happier… however happiness is not the goal.  Happiness is a emotion that can be summoned at will through practice.

Satisfaction can only come about after one has achieved one’s will. Satisfaction is temporary, but regular feelings of satisfaction lead to fulfilment.  The pride that is rolled up in satisfaction only increases the power.  The more difficult the task the higher the feelings of pride and satisfaction. Thus the equation:

Difficulty of task + Achievement of task = (Satisfaction + Pride)Time = Fulfilment

I know, I’m a math wiz, right?

In layman’s, a difficult task is performed that one has set for himself.  This task achievement results in self-satisfaction and an increase in pride.  Over time the sum of many tasks performed leads to fulfilment: a lasting sense of self-worth and super-potential.

Without pride, fulfilment is diminished as the self seeks to explain away the reason for success as that of outside forces.

Without task achievement there is little satisfaction as the goal has not been reached.

If the goal is too easy then the fulfilment is diminished as pride demands difficulty as a price for true satisfaction.


5. Be able to Pat Your Own Back

Pats on the back are truly necessary for most to continue.  The difference between a man and a boy is that a man only accepts pats from his own hand.  Only he knows when he has truly achieved, where a boy seeks the approval of others and bases his satisfaction on that.  True pride is generated within the heart of a man, and he never accepts another’s comments on his acts as anything but uninformed opinion.

Old-school men's magazine

Conversation – the Current Bane of English Speaking Humans

Ever seen a video of yourself talking with friends?
Still not sure if they were speaking english or not


Were you embarrassed at how asinine and mundane your words were?  Did you want to neck yourself from the paucity of information emanating from that tongue filled hole in your head?  Were you ashamed that the “ums” and “aahs” that filled the silence were your way of telling the world “I’m so lazy I can’t even learn to talk proper”?  Were you confused that every phrase you uttered frittered away into nothingness before you could fully communicate the entirety of your thoughts?



ignorant loquacity quote


While you’re pondering the big words in the previous paragraph, let’s ask the question: why do we find movies so interesting?  A good movie holds our attention becuse of the density of information.  Not a minute goes by that something critical to the movie’s climax is not communicated.



Pineapple express piece of shit

Also the perfect explanation as to why Pineapple Express was such a godawful piece of shit


Most of us are info-junkies, and novelty is what turns us on. There is a world of difference between the info-density of movie dialogue and the manure that passes for conversation between many english-speaking humans.

Movie characters finish their thoughts.  There are no “ums’ or “aahs”.  They speak slowly and fluidly, thinking before they speak.


That could be you.


Focus on the conversation.  Your thoughts will continue to run forward unless you actively rein them in and give them the conversation to think about.  Because we learn to speak so early, we can do it on auto-pilot.  Don’t be on auto-pilot.  Train yourself to be aware of what you are saying and how you are saying it.  Be aware of every word you say.  This means listening to your own voice, which is very difficult to do for most people.  This will take time, and lots of it.

Don’t indulge in conversation that doesn’t interest you.  If you have nothing to offer, offer nothing.  Men respect others who speak only when they have something to say.

Finish your goddamn sentences.  If you cannot formulate an entire sentence than you have no business speaking with other sapiens.  Talk with monkeys or visit your local low-socio-economic suburb instead.

Expand your vocabulary and use appropriate words.  You can do this by doing crosswords in your local paper, and reading good books.  Most men’s magazines write at a twelve-year-old’s level.



Old-school men's magazine

The red tide of death… awesome


So don’t read these if you want to improve. Using “big” words will feel strange at first.  Friends will probably tease you, but a couple will follow suit and adjust their own vocabulary. Ignore the former for they will probably not be in your life for much longer.  The latter will likely become friends for life. Be brave and make yourself better.  Use appropriate words whenever possible regardless of the audience.   Some may think this will alienate people, and it may.  However, you never know who may be listening.  People who can use the correct words are more valuable than those who cannot.

Never second-guess your own pronunciation of a word.  I hear a lot of people say (almost under their breath) “leading to a nice seg-you… or whatever…” In this case the word is of course segue and pronounced seg-way… but the person instantly displays self-deprecation through their knowledge that they are probably wrong.  Not only do they know that they don’t know the pronunciation, they were too lazy to check it. If you want to use a word, use it confidently, and look up the pronunciation.

Use inflection to sound interesting, and modulate your speaking speed.  An excellent video about this is produced by Ramit Sethi.

It may sound horribly faked through your own ears, but to the ears of your audience you will sound So Fucking Interesting!  The exception to this rule is telling jokes.  For me, a joke’s punchline should almost never be emphasised with voice inflection.  An understated joke is much funnier through it’s unexpectedness.

Change Who You Are

You are obliged to change into the best fucking man you can be. Anything less is an affront to every ancestor who died to bring you here. To not change is to negate your life and every DNA-bearer’s existence before you. If you do not change you are a life-hater. Fuck you.

caveman stabs gorilla

Ugg says: Change or I beat you with fair maiden


When I say the Best Man You Can Be, I mean the:

most intelligent,
most charismatic,
most dextrous,
most highly and broadly skilled,
most coordinated,
most well spoken,
best connected man you can become.


Somehow there are people out there who believe self-change is not possible. People like my parents *know* that their character is set in stone, that emotions and attributes such as happiness, generosity, anger, artistry etc are all innate and immutable.

The rest of us know that’s a steaming pile of horseshit. ALL of your attributes can be changed and improved. ALL of your emotional states can be changed, especially negative “operating system” or baseline states. Someone wise once said, you can become normally happy or normally sad, the amount of work is the same.

I need to warn you though. Change will not be easy. It will not be quick. It will come in spurts, then plateau. You will move quickly past obstacles, then stall. You will feel you have not changed for months or years. Then you will look back and see that indeed, you have moved forward.

I can say this with certainty, for I am proof. But I believed change was possible. Anything was better than what I was.


Beginning on the path of self-change:


Realise that true self-change is extremely difficult.  Your character and your body enjoy homeostasis.  Any change results in resistance.  If you accept that you will face resistance, then you will be more prepared and able to avoid defeatist self-talk WHEN you fail.  Which will be often.


Changing your body will change your character.  Yoga and Akido, like most self-change systems, advocate body training in conjunction with mental preparation.  These systems are founded on the ideals of equality and spiritual awakening, and their bodily training reflects this through a focus on flexibility and peace. Unfortunately, our world is not about to change it’s fundamental attitude to violence.  Therefore being strong of both body and character is paramount. This is the reason I recommend weight-training.


Yoga at it’s best


Do not berate yourself over the inevitable fuck-ups, stalling and fear you will face. Accept that you will fail occasionally. You will take three steps forward and sometimes four back. Beating yourself up will only stall the change you ARE making. If you don’t make your goal today, well, there is always tomorrow.
Think long, long term. There are short cuts, but they are painful, more so than all but the most callous, hardened and solitary can handle. Think in 1 year, 3 year, 5 year, 10+ year increments. Real self change can only reveal itself over these timeframes.

Purchase “Energized Meditation and Other Devices” by Christopher Hyatt. Turn to the exercizes page and begin. Be warned, as it says on the cover, if you don’t really want to change, don’t buy this book.

Set acheivable goals and acheive them. I’m sure you’ve read every goal-setting blog under Sol, so I won’t go into too much detail. I’ll assume that you suck at goal-setting and achieving.  Goal setting only works over time if you start off small, with things you are already achieving. When I work with people, I have them set weekly goals that they are sure to hit. Like doing the laundry, hitting the gym once that week, or filling the car up with petrol. Goal setting works on momentum and self-success built up over time. Once you’ve seen that you CAN hit goals, you gradually build up the difficulty and resistance. If you stall, Don’t berate yourself.  Step back and hit some goals you know you can hit.

Remember that pain is what makes you stronger and more able to bear change. Every tiny bit of resistance you face up to makes it easier next time, whether it’s in the gym, in a relationship, or that cold shower you take every evening.


Now, go change, but go slow.

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